“All in all a successful trip. Best of all, Romney has checked three countries off the list of ‘1000 Places To Offend People Before You Die’.” – Stephen Colbert
“A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name ‘Speedo.’ It doesn’t sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.” – Craig Ferguson
“Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn’t doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years.” – Conan O’Brien
“Like Palin, Rafalca is female, also doesn’t read newspapers, and has completed the same number of terms as governor.” – Stephen Colbert (on Ann Romney’s horse that competed in the Olympic Dressage event)
“Olympic organizers are reportedly struggling to fill rows and rows of empty seats. Empty seats! In fact, yesterday officials put out a casting call asking for 200 Europeans or eight Americans.” – Conan O’Brien
“So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can’t wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them.” – Conan O’Brien
“A couple of big birthdays today — comedian Tom Green and former government of California Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now Tom Green and Arnold Schwarzenegger are very different. One has disgusted millions with his revolting antics and the other one’s Tom Green.” – Craig Ferguson
