“There’s now a big controversy after a liberal group made a video saying Mitt Romney is too white for black people. Too white for black people? Mitt is too white for white people.” – Jay Leno
“In a new interview, Mitt Romney said he doesn’t know where his financial records are because he doesn’t manage them. Yeah, he would have said more, but he had to give a speech on why he’s the perfect guy to fix the economy.” – Jimmy Fallon
“An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs” – Jay Leno
“Tomorrow the House of Representatives will vote for the 30th time on healthcare. For the 30th time they’ll vote it down again. Who says these guys aren’t doing stuff, huh?” – David Letterman
“Researchers at the University of Minnesota now say that because of the recession, women are jumping into bed with guys faster. They say women are having sex with men after just one drink, all because of the recession. Finally, we are beginning to see the benefits of the Obama economic plan. ” – Jay Leno
“The White House is telling Americans not to ‘read too much’ into Friday’s bad jobs report. Or as Americans put it, ‘You had me at ‘don’t read too much.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The record-breaking heat wave hitting the rest of the country is now hitting Los Angeles. I was sweating like President Obama trying to spin the latest unemployment numbers.” – Jay Leno
“It was so hot, Eric Holder was smuggling water pistols.” – Jay Leno
“It was so hot, immigrants were crossing the border on Slip ‘n’ Slides.” – Jay Leno
“Barney Frank became the first congressman to enter a same-sex marriage. As opposed to most congressmen, who prefer to just enter someone else’s marriage.” – Jimmy Fallon
