“It’s being reported that Mitt Romney’s personal Hotmail account has been hacked. Yeah, Hotmail. Even Ron Paul was like, ‘Get with it, you old geezer!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Speaking of Mitt Romney, his campaign is in the news for misspelling several words on his promotional items. Today, Romney issued a press release that said, ‘I’ll get to the bottom of this, or my name isn’t Malt Ramrod.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamed I was a union member is Wisconsin who loved the Miami Heat. It was a nightmare!” – Jay Leno
“Governor Scott Walker won his recall last night in Wisconsin. Who would have guessed the governor of Wisconsin would have been a better closer than LeBron James?” – Jay Leno
“There’s a rumor that President Obama will stop by today’s L.A. Kings hockey game. He doesn’t want to draw attention to himself. He just wants to blend in with all the other black, Hawaiian hockey fans.” – Conan O’Brien
“CNBC is reporting that America lost 129,000 millionaires last year. Or as Mitt Romney calls them, ‘an endangered species we have to protect.'” – Jay Leno
