“The White House admitted that Vice President Biden’s endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So in a related story millions of Americans are trying to get Biden hooked on pot.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama says he supports same-sex marriage. Not only that but he’s going to turn his birth certificate into a musical.” – David Letterman
“President Obama came out in favor of gay marriage because his position has evolved. Then today he flew to George Clooney’s house. So things are evolving a lot faster than we expected.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama has come out in support of gay marriage. He said his position has been evolving for years. Miraculously, he saw the light just in time for tonight’s big Hollywood fundraiser. What are the odds?” – Jay Leno
“President Obama’s in town for a fundraiser. Forty grand a plate — because nothing says ‘man of the people’ like demanding 40 grand for some rubbery chicken.” – Craig Ferguson
“The guests included Leonardo DiCaprio and Barbra Streisand. It must have been awkward though. Everybody in Hollywood thinks they’re the world’s most important person. So it must be kind of weird when in walks the world’s actual most important person.” – Craig Ferguson
“Insiders say Obama’s pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been ‘acting’ like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.” – Craig Ferguson
“I’m a little surprised how much everyone in show business wants a second term for Obama. An over-hyped sequel with a bloated budget — that’s not the Hollywood I know.” – Craig Ferguson
“After President Obama announced his support for gay marriage, his campaign raised a million dollars in 90 minutes. That explains why today Mitt Romney actually supported gay marriage from noon to 1:30.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney has issued an apology for some of his high school pranks that went a little too far. Probably the meanest prank was the time he bought his high school and fired everyone in it.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today Newt Gingrich didn’t agree or disagree on the gay marriage thing. However, he did say there should be a term limit on all marriages.” – Jay Leno
“My question with the same-sex couples is: Who drives, who nags? Who says let’s order dessert and who says I’ll just have a bite?” – David Letterman
“Can you be in a heterosexual marriage and also have a gay marriage? Can you have one of each?” – David Letterman
