“France has a new president. He is Socialist François Hollande. He defeated Conservative French President Sarkozy in a presidential run-off yesterday. Of course, Nicolas Sarkozy handed over power in the traditional French manner. He surrendered.” – Jay Leno
“The French president got voted out. So ‘adieu’ to Nicolas Sarkozy. He’s riding his ‘bicyclette’ off into the sunset.” – Craig Ferguson
“France has a new president who lives with a woman that he is not married to. Their relationship is described as French.” – Conan O’Brien
“Yesterday France elected a new president. When the French secret service hires prostitutes, it is not a scandal. It is called test driving mistresses for your boss.” – Craig Ferguson
“After just one term in office, French President Nicolas Sarkozy lost his re-election bid because he was unable to fix his nation’s economy. Or as Obama put it, ‘Uh-oh.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama says his campaign for a second term is still about hope and change. The president’s exact words were, ‘I hope I won’t have to change my address.'” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama has his new re-election campaign slogan. It’s just one word: Forward. Have you been watching this election? Can we press fast forward? Can we just get this thing over with?” – Jay Leno
“More details about the Secret Service scandal. The ‘Today’ show sat down with the woman who claims to be the Colombian prostitute who got into the argument over how much she was supposed to be paid. NBC made a point of saying they did not pay her for the interview. This woman never gets paid.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“In a new interview, Vice President Joe Biden said the sitcom ‘Will & Grace’ made America more comfortable with gay people. Biden also said the sitcom character Urkel made America more comfortable with President Obama.” – Conan O’Brien
“Yesterday on CBS, Newt Gingrich said it would be ‘inconceivable’ for Mitt Romney to choose him as a running mate. And today, Romney issued a statement saying, ‘Yep.'” – Jimmy Fallon
