“Rick Santorum wants to crack down on pornography. Most political analysts say it could hurt him with the ‘every single man in America’ vote.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Santorum said when he’s in the White House he’ll tell his attorney general to prosecute people who distribute any content that is deemed obscene. Will he appoint a team to watch porn all day? If so, he could solve the unemployment crisis.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A photo of a shirtless Rick Santorum lounging in a pool is circulating on the Internet. Ironically, the photo has proven to be a very effective form of birth control.” – Conan O’Brien
“Here’s how nice it was here on the Eastern Seaboard. It was such a beautiful day today that Mitt Romney was riding on the roof of his car.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney is so rich, he taught his dog to roll over … an IRA.” – Jay Leno
“Donald Trump’s sons shot and killed endangered animals on a safari. They got an elephant, a crocodile, and that thing on their dad’s head.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Over the weekend, a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters tried to reoccupy a New York park. You can tell the movement has been hurting for funds. This time they called themselves ‘Occupy Wall Street brought to you by Sony Pictures ‘21 Jump Street’.” – Conan O’Brien
