“Here’s some very scary news: They say gasoline could be $6 a gallon. But the good news is the White House says President Obama is aware of the problem, and will continue to talk about it between fundraisers.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama today released his NCAA bracket. He is a huge basketball fan. But privately, White House aides are worried that if he spends so much time on this, it could affect his golf game.” – Jay Leno
“Happy birthday to Mitt Romney, he’s 65 years old. At his party, he didn’t blow out the candles. He gave a speech and the candles just flickered and died.” – Jay Leno
“Romney’s birthday is not a big deal here. But in the Cayman Islands, it’s a national holiday.” – Jay Leno
”If you are a multi-millionaire entertainer supporting the candidacy of a wealthy financier from Massachusetts, you might no longer be a redneck.” – Stephen Colbert on Jeff Foxworthy campaigning with Mitt Romney
“I’m telling you, it’s getting ugly on the campaign trail. Rick Santorum’s people are accusing Mitt Romney’s campaign of trying to dig up dirt on Ron Paul. He must be an archaeologist.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum insists he’s the most conservative candidate. He is so conservative, you can only rub him the wrong way.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky.” – Jay Leno
“How about that Rush Limbaugh? It was nice for me to see somebody else apologizing for something for a change.” – David Letterman
“Don’t kid yourself, Rush is in a lot of trouble. He’s down to two national sponsors. You know what they are? One is Crisco, and the other is Hostess Twinkies.” – David Letterman
