“Last night, Rick Perry said was quitting the race. But then this morning, he said he’s staying in. Hmm. Going back on his word? Maybe he’d make a good president after all.” – Craig Ferguson
“Michele Bachmann pulled out of the presidential race and I just want to take a moment and say that Michele gave us a lot of material over the last eight months.” – Conan O’Brien
“Michele Bachmann is out, but I don’t think her husband is.” – David Letterman
“In her concession speech, Bachmann said, ‘I mean what I say.’ Then she thanked her speech writer, Popeye.” – Conan O’Brien
“So now that Michele O’Bachmann is out, that leaves Mitt Romney with best hairdo.” – David Letterman
“According to new poll done by ’60 minutes,’ 2 percent of voters believe that Mitt Romney’s real name, his real first name, is Mittens. That’s true. If Romney legally changes his name to Mittens, he’s got my vote.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“John McCain has endorsed Mitt Romney for president. … Now, it didn’t help that McCain began his endorsement by saying, ‘From the man who brought you Sarah Palin.'” – Conan O’Brien
“How about that Rick Santorum? He came in second because he is the anti-Romney. Wait a minute. I thought Mitt Romney was the anti-Romney.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney won the Iowa caucuses by defeating Rick Santorum by only eight votes. That’s a record. To give you an idea of how close that is, if all of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wives voted for Santorum, he would have won by 15.” – Conan O’Brien
“Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes. He’d have won if he’d just gotten the gay vote.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes, like what happened to Jon Gosselin.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“(Rick) Santorum did so well, a restaurant in Boone, Iowa, named its chicken salad after him. They also have the Mitt Romney waffle, the Ron Paul cracker, and the Newt Gingrich chubby hubby ice cream.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum’s campaign is celebrating the Iowa caucuses with a pizza party. Here’s the embarrassing part: It was delivered by Herman Cain.” – Jay Leno
“As I was coming out here, CBS News predicted the winner of the Iowa Republican caucuses: President Obama.” – David Letterman
“In the last election, Mike Huckabee won the Iowa caucus, and John McCain came in fourth. And he became the nominee. So it’s too early to tell anything at this point. It would be like if Wolf Blitzer stayed up all night analyzing the first round of American Idol auditions.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“There’s already controversy with the Iowa caucuses. About a half hour ago, they found eight more votes for Al Gore.” – David Letterman
