[Jokes from Jul 17, 2017]
Donald Trump Jr. has admitted to holding an undisclosed meeting before the election with a Russian lawyer and a Russian lobbyist who reportedly once worked for the KGB. And the hardest part to believe is there was a Donald Trump dumb enough to do that [shows photo of President Trump] and it wasn’t this one. – Seth Meyers
Meanwhile, back in the United States — Russia. Folks, things are not looking good for the president’s son Donald Trump, Jr. because of a meeting he took last year with Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya. And now we’ve learned that there was another Russian at that meeting, Russian lobbyist Rinat Akhmetshin. Funny detail — he’s reportedly a former Soviet counterintelligence officer. Of course, when it comes to Don Jr., there’s not much intelligence to counter. – Stephen Colbert
Did you see that last week Trump’s son, Don Jr., tweeted screenshots of emails from the Russian lawyer who offered sensitive info to his dad’s campaign? When he heard that his son tweeted about an ongoing investigation, Trump was like, “The student has become the master.” – Jimmy Fallon
It’s Russia Week, and I just want to get out ahead of the story here. I recently met with a lot of Russians. I can’t remember why, maybe because I was in Russia. Oh, some of them worked for the government. This week, we’ll be showing you one Russian field piece. Sorry, I meant to say two Russian field — my lawyers are telling me five Russian field pieces. – Stephen Colbert
I didn’t think you’d find out. The whole week was supposed to be a secret but someone leaked it to CBS’s marketing department. I didn’t. Anyway, Russia’s coming up later in the show. – Stephen Colbert
Over the weekend, it came out that President Trump’s approval rating is at 36 percent. But Trump defended the number, saying that it was “almost 40.” Then he said, “And if you read 36 upside down, it looks like 93, which is almost 100. So I’m doing amazing. Almost 100 in Upside Down world.” – Jimmy Fallon
President Trump attended the U.S. Women’s Open Golf Tournament this weekend, so just to be safe, the golfers got changed in their cars. – Seth Meyers
Senate Republicans are trying to add a provision to their healthcare bill that would allow companies to offer low-cost reduced-coverage plans, which critics are calling junk insurance. “I’ll take some junk insurance,” said dudes who wear really tight biking shorts. You can never be too safe with the junk. – Seth Meyers
Last night was the season premiere of “Game of Thrones.” No spoilers! But HBO’s streaming site crashed during the episode. That’s how crazy this show has gotten: They are killing off websites now. – Jimmy Fallon
More trouble for United Airlines. The rapper Schoolboy Q says that they actually flew his dog to the wrong city. Then on the flight back, the dog had a fight over a seat with Ann Coulter. – Jimmy Fallon
China reportedly scrubbed the images of Winnie the Pooh from social media over the weekend, after users compared the character to their president. Though it seems like it would just be easier to just get their president to put some pants on. – Seth Meyers
