[Jokes from Apr. 27, 2017]
The White House invited reporters to bring their kids with them this morning for Take Your Kids to Work Day. Or as Trump calls it, every day. – Jimmy Fallon
In case you weren’t aware, today was Take Your Child to Work Day. It’s a great way to see why Mommy and Daddy drink so much. Although at the White House, every day is take Your Child to Work Day, for your children and your son-in-law. – James Corden
It was really sweet. Trump asked the kids what they want to be when they grew up, and then they asked Trump what he wants to be when he grows up. – Jimmy Fallon
After alluding to a big tax reform announcement earlier this week, the White House finally released their tax plan and it was only a one-page-long document with very little information. It was a one-page memo — even Rachel Maddow was like, “This is a huge disappointment.” – James Corden
The White House promised a big announcement. But keep in mind, even a one-page document looks very big in Donald Trump’s tiny hands. – James Corden
There’s a lot going on in Washington right now — Trump is working on a new budget, tax reform, healthcare, trade. So to make sure he doesn’t forget anything he actually likes to set reminders on his phone. For example, he has this one reminder that says, “Play Tetris to practice building the wall.” – Jimmy Fallon
According to a new report, German Chancellor Angela Merkel was recently forced to explain to President Trump 11 times how trade works with European countries. She started to lose it around “nein”. – Seth Meyers
According to a new CNN poll, 44 percent of Americans approve of the job President Trump is doing as he approaches his 100th day in office. While the other 56 percent said, “It’s only been 100 days?!” – Seth Meyers
United Airlines fell by 66 percent in an annual survey of passengers’ favorite airlines, down to just 3.3 percent. Although, that means that 3.3 percent of travelers saw a man get dragged off a plane and thought, “This is my favorite airline.” – Jimmy Fallon
After a month of very bad PR, United Airlines is offering up to $10,000 to passengers on overbooked flights. But you know another thing they could do? Stop selling more tickets than there are seats on the plane! Just don’t do that! – James Corden
Federal agents just seized 300 pounds of yak meat that was illegally smuggled into JFK airport. And yet somehow JFK still smells less like yak meat than LaGuardia. – Jimmy Fallon
A third-grade class in New Jersey recently found a boa constrictor in the back of their classroom. Even scarier, they DIND’T find Billy. – Seth Meyers
A campaign in the U.K. is encouraging parents to teach their children the accurate words for their genitals from a young age. Of course in the U.K., genitals are called “crisps.” – Seth Meyers
