[Jokes from Dec. 20, 2016]
“Donald Trump is saying ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Holidays.’ Donald Trump said he’s a fan of Jesus because ‘I like guys who inherit their dad’s business and then think they’re God.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Yesterday, Donald Trump officially became the president-elect after 538 electors from the Electoral College cast their votes. And immediately after, Donald Trump claimed that 3 million of them voted illegally.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump has now waited over four times longer than any other president-elect to hold a post-election press conference. He is basically treating the press like a Tinder date. They did every dirty thing he wanted and now he’s ignoring their texts.” – Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump said that after the election, he didn’t call Bill Clinton, but instead, ‘Bill Clinton called me.’ Bill Clinton said, ‘Actually, I was calling for Melania and he answered the phone.'” –Conan O’Brien
“Opera star Andrea Bocelli has backed out of performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration after pressure from his fans. So congratulations to his replacement, Chumbawamba.” – Conan O’Brien
“Apple’s new operating system gets rid of the feature that tells you how much battery time you have left on your laptop. People will have no idea they’re about to lose power. Or as Democrats put it, ‘Been there’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Well, there are only four days until Christmas. So, Hillary, just choose a tree already. You’ve been in the woods long enough. Choose a tree and come home, Hillary.” – Seth Meyers
“Netflix began streaming a biopic of President Obama this weekend called ‘Barry.’ They’ll also air a documentary about Trump’s presidential win called ‘Barely’.” – Seth Meyers
