[Jokes from Dec. 1, 2016]
“Donald Trump is considering Sarah Palin to be his secretary of Veterans Affairs. Palin says she’s great at helping veterans. John McCain was like, ‘Wrong’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“This is a true story: For his secretary of defense, Donald Trump has chosen a retired Marine general whose nickname is Mad Dog. So sleep well, America!” – Conan O’Brien
“It’s been reported that President-elect Trump has chosen four-star Gen. James Mattis for secretary of defense. When Trump was told the general had four stars, he said, ‘Wow, that’s a great Yelp review.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney is being mocked by many Republicans for going to a fancy French dinner with Donald Trump. It’s also not helping that afterwards, Romney let Trump get to third base.” – Conan O’Brien
“Yesterday, Jill Stein officially requested a hand recount of 4.8 million ballots in Michigan, but Donald Trump says he’s going to fight it, by shouting out other numbers while they’re trying to count.” – Jimmy Fallon
“With roughly seven weeks until he takes office, President-elect Donald Trump still has a few things he’s researching. Needs to figure out, like, ‘What does a president do?'” – Stephen Colbert
“And now we know he knows it’s not going to be that easy, because Trump surrogate and flesh snowman Newt Gingrich recently told USA Today that he talked to Trump about his new responsibilities as president and, according to Gingrich, Trump said, ‘This is really a bigger job than I thought.'” – Stephen Colbert
“What do you know? Being leader of the free world is a bit harder than filming a reality show in your apartment.” – Stephen Colbert
“The bad news is, starting Jan. 20, Donald Trump can send unblockable mass text messages to the entire nation. Yes, President Trump will be able to send text messages to every phone in the nation. The only person I would trust less with this technology is Anthony Weiner.” – Stephen Colbert
“The cereal company Kellogg’s pulled their advertising from the conservative alt-right website Breitbart News and its readers responded by calling for a boycott of all Kellogg’s products. That’s right: The culture wars have now reached cereal.” – James Corden
“Breitbart News received a lot of criticism for running questionable news stories during the election. So basically Breitbart counts as real news in the same way that Apple Jacks counts as real fruit.” – James Corden
“Kellogg’s pulled their ads because they say Breitbart promotes discrimination. It really isn’t a surprise that Kellogg’s would be sensitive about this. The mascots of one of their best-selling cereals are three male elves that all live together.’ – James Corden
