[Jokes from Oct. 24, 2016]
“On Friday, a massive cyber-attack brought down several websites for 11 hours, including Twitter. Experts say it was the best thing to happen to Donald Trump’s campaign in weeks.” – Jimmy Fallon
“On Friday, a cyber-attack shut down Amazon, CNN, and Twitter. Apparently, the cyber-terrorists shut down Amazon first, then Amazon suggested they may also like CNN and Twitter.” – Conan O’Brien
“Trump has received his first and only endorsement from a major newspaper — the Las Vegas Review-Journal said that Trump does not represent the danger his critics claim. Which is not exactly a ringing endorsement. That’s like a restaurant review that says this place probably won’t even give you food poisoning.” – James Corden
“Over the weekend in Gettysburg, Donald Trump told a crowd that as soon as the election ends he will sue the women accusing him of sexual misconduct. It’s being called ‘the second greatest Gettysburg Address in history.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Speaking of Donald Trump, his son Eric was out on the campaign trail, and a lot of people online noticed that Eric was photographed at an In-N-Out Burger holding a free water cup that was filled with lemonade. While the employee who gave it to him said, ‘That wasn’t lemonade.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“During a campaign event at a Florida pumpkin patch, Donald Trump met with pumpkin farmers. There was an awkward moment when one of the pumpkin farmers tried to carve Trump’s head.” – Conan O’Brien
“I want to say congratulations to the Chicago Cubs and the Cleveland Indians, who are set to play each other in the World Series! Or as voters put it, ‘Finally – a crazy match-up we can actually ENJOY!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway admitted this weekend that Donald Trump is trailing Hillary Clinton. Said Conway, ‘No, literally, he’s trailing her.'” – Seth Meyers
“Many news outlets are saying Donald Trump will almost certainly pivot to media and launch his own TV network after the election. Which means as early as next year we could see Trump TV filing for bankruptcy.” – Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump said at a rally this weekend that Hillary Clinton was exhausted and weak after the debates. Yeah, probably because you kept sniffing all the oxygen out of the room.” – Seth Meyers
“Hillary’s voters are now more excited to vote for Hillary than Trump voters are to vote for Trump. Which is crazy because getting excited about Hillary is like getting excited about taking your car in for an oil change. It’s not fun, but the alternative is your car bursting into flames.” – James Corden
“I can’t imagine why people are less excited about voting for Trump, but I guess it could have something to do with insulting women, insulting minorities, bragging about sexual assault, making fun of disabled people, making fun of military veterans, making fun of NFL players who get concussions, antagonizing fellow Republican, not releasing his taxes, not having any real political platform, banning journalists, re-tweeting white supremacists, and having hair that looks like a poorly constructed scarecrow. Other than that, I’ve no idea where he lost people.” –James Corden
“President Obama last week said that this year’s election is like Dante’s ‘Inferno’. Well that’s fine, as long as it doesn’t turn into a disco inferno.” –Seth Meyers
3 Comments
If they left, the rest of us would be under Republican control completely. And under Russian control The Russians already want us out of NATO as Trump does. “We feel threatened by you on our door step.” Do those three states have enough military to stand up to the Russians when we become a communist country under Trump?
There was a similar movement, here in Oregon. It was cancelled because the people behind it were getting lots of death threats.
I really like these posts. Maybe you could eventually make video compilations of the jokes too, if you’re able to find them online. Keep it up!