[Jokes from Sept. 21, 2016]
“It was announced that you’ll be able to watch next week’s debate on Twitter. So, finally a way to see Trump say something really crazy on Twitter.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump falsely claimed that NBC News anchor Lester Holt is a Democrat, when he’s actually a registered Republican. In other words, Trump just alienated the one black guy who might have voted for him.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today, Donald Trump told an African-American audience, ‘Black churches are the conscience of our country.’ In response, the crowd said, ‘Yes, that’s why we’re not voting for you.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Tomorrow is the first day of fall. I am so excited to watch Donald Trump change colors.” – Seth Meyers
“I saw that on Monday Donald Trump met with the Egyptian president in New York City while he’s in town for the U.N. General assembly. Trump said he’s always felt connected to Egypt, mostly because Trump University was a huge pyramid scheme.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump said at a campaign rally yesterday that he would put Syrian refugees in safe zones, and make Middle Eastern countries pay for them, adding, ‘There’s nothing like doing things with other people’s money.’ ‘You said it, baby,’ said Melania.” – Seth Meyers
“Fox News has forbidden Sean Hannity from appearing in any more campaign ads for Donald Trump. Fox said, ‘We want to appear neutral while covering the race between Mr. Trump and that Sickly Lying Witch.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Two days ago, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were tied in Florida, but today she is up by five points. Of course, there’s a margin of error… of Florida.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Barack Obama appeared before the U.N. General Assembly for the final time in his presidency to announce that the U.S. would be admitting 110,000 refugees in the coming year. Now the refugees will include people fleeing dangerous places like Syria, Libya, Florida…” – James Corden
“This might sound like a lot of people, 110,000 people are coming in, but you’ve got to remember millions will be fleeing if Trump is elected.” – James Corden
“Obama announced this today, the day after a tweet by the Trump campaign comparing refugees to poisoned Skittles. Obama was basically like, ‘It was going to be 100,000, but after your little Skittles tweet, it’s now 110,000.'” – James Corden
“President Obama’s half-brother, who lives in Kenya, told reporters this week that he will be voting for Donald Trump in the country’s mock U.S. election. Oh, that’s got to sting for Trump — an Obama wants to vote for him, but it’s the one with the Kenyan birth certificate.” – Seth Meyers
“House Speaker Paul Ryan was at the airport and didn’t recognize a three-year congresswoman from Massachusetts. And even asked her, ‘So what do you do?’ Ryan realized she was a congresswoman when she answered, ‘Nothing’.” – Jimmy Fallon
