[Jokes from Sept. 9, 2016]
“Donald Trump said this week that Vladimir Putin has been a leader far more than our president has been a leader, and he’s got a point. I mean, if President Obama was as strong a leader as Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump would be dead by now. That would be the difference.” – Seth Meyers
“Vladimir Putin told Bloomberg Businessweek that Russia never interfered with the U.S. election and doesn’t plan to. Putin was like, ‘Trust me – it was hard enough rigging ‘The Bachelorette.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Last night North Korea conducted what they claim was a successful test of their biggest nuclear warhead yet. So congrats to them. I’m glad they’re finally figuring that out. Will someone please tell Kim Jong Un they like his new glasses and he looks like he lost weight so he doesn’t kill everybody on the West Coast?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Don’t worry, though. Donald Trump is going to take care of all of this. How do you fight crazy hair? With even crazier hair.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“I don’t know if you saw this but some interesting photos of Donald Trump were released today from the year 2000. There he is [shows photo] at the U.S. Open with his then-girlfriend Melania, former President Bill Clinton and a lady in a Playboy Bunny shirt. How perfect is this photograph? Look at those two bitter enemies sizing each other up. It looks like the first three minutes of a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ video. It represents the United States at its peak. Before 9/11, before ISIS, before ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ — just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models. This is probably why Trump hates Hillary. She ruined this for them. She took his wing man away.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who will be moderator for the final presidential debate of election season, said in an interview this week that he doesn’t feel it’s his job to call out the candidates when they lie. ‘Super!’ said Hillary and Donald at the same time.” – Seth Meyers
“Fashion Week is in full swing here in New York City. During one interview, Kendall Jenner made the comment that Hillary Clinton might look good in a jumpsuit. Then Hillary said, ‘Well, hopefully they never find those emails or it’ll be an orange jumpsuit.'” – Jimmy Fallon
