[Jokes from Sept. 6, 2016]
“President Obama flew to China for Labor Day because he wanted to see where American labor went.” – Stephen Colbert
“The president is there for his very last G20 Summit. So, the next time he talks international economics, it’ll be with a really bored person at a party.” – Stephen Colbert
“A lot of people were saying President Obama was snubbed by China when they didn’t have the stairs ready for him to get off the plane. In fact, Donald Trump said that if that ever happened to him, he’d just close the plane doors and leave the country. Every other country was like, ‘That’s all we have to do? Thank you. That’s perfect!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“There was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, when Chinese officials wouldn’t let President Obama get off Air Force One using the normal staircase, or ‘Stair Force One’ … I hope that’s what they call it.” – Stephen Colbert
“A photo of Obama greeting Putin is going viral, because people think they’re giving each other the death stare. I feel like both guys were just thinking, ‘Oof, he’s gotten old.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday, in China, President Obama had a meeting with Vladimir Putin. And before they started, Obama texted Michelle: ‘Going into a meeting, love you.’ While Putin texted the same thing to Donald Trump.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Did you see Donald Trump dancing at the gospel church? Donald Trump this weekend, as part of his new initiative to woo African-American voters, visited the Great Faith Ministries Church in Detroit. He said he was there to listen. I don’t know what he was listening to but based on his dancing, it clearly wasn’t music.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A national Washington Post survey found that Donald Trump has historically low support among college-educated women. It’s from their new segment, ‘Stuff You Could Have Guessed.'” – Seth Meyers
“The latest CNN poll has Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton 45 percent to 43 percent. But the good news is, the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery.” – Seth Meyers
“Have you heard about the latest FBI report on Hillary Clinton’s emails? Probably not, because they put it out the Friday before Labor Day. You couldn’t hide that news more if you welded it inside a lead capsule and fired it into the heart of the sun.” – Stephen Colbert
“One of the big revelations of this latest email dump is that Secretary Clinton didn’t use just one smartphone in office as she originally claimed, she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. Madam Secretary, tell the truth. Are you a crack dealer? Because I can’t figure out why else you would need 13 phones.” – Stephen Colbert
“Happy birthday to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. It was the first birthday party where someone jumped into the cake instead of out of it.” – Jimmy Fallon
