[Jokes from Aug. 31, 2016]
“Donald Trump made a surprise trip to Mexico for a meeting with the country’s president, Enrique Peña Nieto. Or as Trump put it, ‘Nice to meet you, Eric Piñata.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today, the president of Mexico hosted Donald Trump. It was just another example of a Mexican doing a job that Americans don’t want.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump traveled to Mexico today to meet with President Enrique Peña Nieto. Said Trump, ‘Wow, this place has more illegal immigrants than we do.'” – Seth Meyers
“Today Donald Trump made a last-minute trip to Mexico to meet with Mexican President Enrique Peña [Nieto] — and you just know that as soon as Trump crossed into Mexico, even Hillary Clinton was like, ‘OK, let’s get cracking on that wall.'” – James Corden
“After insulting Mexico for the past year, Donald Trump was in Mexico today. Things got awkward when he made a speech that started out, ‘Hola, Rapists.'” – Conan O’Brien
“The Mexican president is saying that he told Trump that Mexico would not pay for the wall, while Trump says they never discussed who would pay for it. In Trump’s defense, who has ever gone down to Mexico and remembered what they did?” – James Corden
“Donald Trump and Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto held a joint press conference where Trump said the two did discuss his proposed border wall but did not address payment for its construction. Said Trump, ‘You know me, I don’t like to talk about money.'” – Seth Meyers
“If you’re feeling frustrated with Trump’s Mexico antics and you’re not quite sold on Hillary Clinton, luckily there’s another presidential candidate who has been making her voice heard and that’s Green Party candidate Jill Stein. If you don’t know who Jill Stein is, just picture Bernie Sanders, and now picture the woman in the back of his rally selling dream catchers.” – James Corden
“According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton is more unpopular than ever, but still not as unpopular as Donald Trump. So this election is kind of like asking people if they’d rather have chlamydia or gonorrhea.” – Conan O’Brien
“A reporter went through Hillary Clinton’s schedule while she was secretary of state and found that she and Bill were often away from each other, and sometimes even on different continents. When asked why they didn’t try to coordinate their schedules, Hillary said, ‘Oh, we did.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Chris Christie just vetoed a proposal to boost New Jersey’s minimum wage to $15 an hour. Then fast food workers said, ‘After all we’ve done for you?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was spotted singing and dancing at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Then Christie tried to crowd surf and killed nine people.” – Conan O’Brien
“Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry will compete on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. Which is why this season it will be called ‘Dancing with the Stars … and Rick Perry.'” – Jimmy Fallon
