Political Irony

[Jokes from July 26, 2016]

“Of course, it’s the Democratic Convention, which began last night. There were several big moments, and by the end, everyone was chanting ‘I’m With Her!’ Unfortunately for Hillary, they were talking about Michelle Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Experts are saying that the highlight of the Democratic Convention’s first night was Michelle Obama’s speech. In fact, Melania Trump said she already knows it by heart.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Democrats have had some impressive speakers so far. Last night Michelle Obama delivered her second convention speech of the week. The first lady made a very powerful point. She noted that she and her husband wake up every day in a house built by slaves. To which Donald Trump replied, ‘Really? Can I get the name of your contractor?'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Michelle gave a really big speech last night. But she wasn’t the only one. Bernie Sanders gave the final speech of the night, which kept being delayed by applause. Bernie was like, ‘Please stop with the clapping! You’ll make the lights go off and on!” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders said that he knows people are disappointed in the results of the primaries, saying, ‘I think it’s fair to say nobody is more disappointed than I am.’ At which point, Jeb Bush threw his empty Hagen Daazs container at the TV.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders supporters were so angry last night that they booed each mention of Hillary Clinton’s name, and even booed the pastor leading the pre-convention prayer. Of course, this was Philadelphia. Booing is just how people exhale.” – Seth Meyers

“It was a big night for Bernie Sanders. You could tell. For the the first time ever it appears he combed his hair.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Boyz II Men opened up the Democratic Convention yesterday performing their hit ‘Motown Philly.’ Then they closed it out with Bernie Sanders singing ‘It’s so Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Democrats held a roll call vote today to formally elect Hillary Clinton as their party’s nominee. Delegates had the option of voting either ‘no’ or ‘ugh, fine.'” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn’t win is going to look great on her resume.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“If Hillary wins, it will be interesting to see because Bill Clinton would be our nation’s first first man. Which is interesting. We’ve had a first man on the moon, a first man to climb Mount Everest, a first man to run a four-minute mile. Nobody ever thought to be just the first man. I guess Adam maybe was the first first man.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Bill Clinton spoke tonight. He was the major speaker of the evening. Of course he strongly supported his wife to be our next president. In a surprise move he asked Melania Trump to be his first lady.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today, shortly before we taped the show, Hillary Clinton became the first female presidential nominee of a major party. So now little girls everywhere can say, ‘One day I’m gonna grow up and run against an insane reality TV star.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday at the DNC, Elizabeth Warren said, ‘Trump’s entire campaign is just one more late-night Trump infomercial.’ Trump called her ‘stupid’ then said, ‘But wait there’s more…” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump is now leading Hillary Clinton by 28 points with white voters without a college degree. However, Hillary is ahead by 98 points with voters who went to Trump University.” –Conan O’Brien

“It’s being reported that 19 out of the 31 apartment buildings in the Rio Olympic Village are not ready yet. Today, Rio organizers asked, ‘How does everybody feel about a ‘Fall Olympics’?'” – Conan O’Brien