[Jokes from July 19, 2016]
“Melania Trump is being accused of plagiarism because paragraphs of her speech last night closely mirror Michelle Obama’s speech at the 2008 Democratic convention. Said Melania, ‘That’s ridiculous. I worked on that speech for four score and seven years.'” – Seth Meyers
“Melania did it: She found something less original than being a model married to an old billionaire.” – Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump’s campaign manager Paul Manafort said today that Melania’s speech was similar to Michelle Obama’s because they must feel the same way about their families. Then Melania said, ‘Yes, especially my daughters, Sasha and Malia.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The big story last night was Melania Trump’s speech, and a lot of experts are saying that she borrowed a large chunk of it from a speech that Michelle Obama gave at the Democratic convention in 2008. Trump came to his wife’s defense, and said that he’s always been on her side from his days as a community organizer in Chicago, all the way back to being the first black male senator from Illinois.” – James Corden
“If any of these jokes sound old, it’s because Michelle Obama used them in 2008.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump’s former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, said today that whoever wrote Melania Trump’s speech should be fired. ‘Fine, I’ll pack up my desk,’ said Michelle.” – Seth Meyers
No one has lost their jobs [over the Melania speech incident]. If only there was someone in the Trump campaign who enjoyed firing people …” – Stephen Colbert
“Chris Christie promising terrifying show trials before a mindless, screaming mob, with no representation for the defense. Spooky or not spooky?” – Stephen Colbert
“Today Donald Trump officially won the Republican nomination. Which makes the entrance he made last night at the convention even more spectacular. Donald said he wanted his entrance to be like his plans for the economy: foggy and mysterious.” – James Corden
“What’s really interesting is that he came out to the Queen song ‘We are the Champions.’ I would have gone with a different Queen song: “I See a Little Silhouette-o of a Man.'” – James Corden
“What I don’t understand is, yeah, we knew [Trump was going to be the nominee] but there was supposed to be a floor fight. Bikers chain-whipping the Rules Committee. Ted Cruz trying to cut out Reince Priebus’ eyeball with a broken bottle. We were promised excitement! But none of that happened. They voted. He got it. That’s it.” – Stephen Colbert
“The moment Donald Trump secured the nomination [at the Republican convention] — got the number of delegates that sent him over the top — the celebration kicked off in style with a giant gold screen that declared ‘Over the Top,’ which was either declaring victory or indicating the direction Trump combs his hair. – Stephen Colbert
“Of course, the convention’s going all week. And I saw that it actually has a different theme each night. That’s right, the themes are ‘Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“After the Bush family announced that they will not attend this week’s Republican National Convention, Newt Gingrich this morning told interviewers that he believes the Bushes are behaving childishly. When reached for comment, Jeb hid behind his mom’s leg.” – Seth Meyers
“A new poll has Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump virtually tied, with Clinton leading Trump 46 percent to 45 percent. It’s the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman his own age.” – Seth Meyers
“Hillary was actually campaigning in Las Vegas today. Which is crazy, ‘cuz usually when Hillary gambles, it involves national security.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Right now the New York Times says that Hillary has a 76 percent chance of winning the election. Hillary says she’s excited by the news and can’t wait to find a new way to blow it.” – Jimmy Fallon
