[Jokes from June 14, 2016]
“Donald Trump celebrated his 70th birthday today. And I guess instead of blowing out his candles, he just insulted them until they put themselves out. ‘You’re too hot! You smell like wax! You’re the worst part of this cake!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today is Donald Trump’s 70th birthday. For the occasion, Donald Trump’s friends got together and said, ‘Wait — why are we friends with Donald Trump?'” – Conan O’Brien
“Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who turns 70 years old today. And this is cool — so did his views on immigration.” – James Corden
“I imagine it’s tough to get Trump a gift. What do you get the man who hates everything?” – James Corden
“Today is Donald Trump’s birthday! Trump may have turned 70, but his views about women are 150 years old.” – James Corden
“At his party, they had cake, they had party favors, and they played some really fun games, like ‘Pin the bad economy on the Obama.'” – James Corden
“The best part is, they didn’t have to hire a clown.” – James Corden
“In a speech, Donald Trump said thousands of people in the United States are ‘sick with hate’. Then Trump said, “I’d like to thank them for their support.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump has called for a ban on all immigration to the United States. Of course, Trump said the ban would be lifted if he ever needs a new wife.” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders is set to meet with Hillary Clinton this evening. Bernie said the meeting will give Hillary one last opportunity to bow out gracefully.” – Conan O’Brien
“Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders met privately this evening. So privately even Bernie didn’t know.” – James Corden
“President Obama gave a speech this afternoon in which he angrily called out Republicans for being too obsessed with his refusal to use the term ‘radical Islam’ — or as Fox News reported it, ‘Angry Black Man Spotted Talking About Radical Islam Near Capitol Building.'” – James Corden
