[Jokes from June 9, 2016]
“Today Bernie Sanders had a private meeting in the White House with President Obama, which was fitting since they’re both beloved political figures who are just a few months away from not being president.” – Stephen Colbert
“Bernie Sanders had a meeting at the White House. He just had a meeting there. He’s not going to live there.” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders met with President Obama at the White House today to discuss the status of the Democratic race. Though I’m not sure Bernie is getting the hint because he arrived at the meeting in a U-Haul.” – Seth Meyers
“After his meeting at the White House, Bernie Sanders said he’s going to do everything he can to ‘make sure that Donald Trump does not become president of the United States.’ Bernie said, ‘I’m even willing to make Hillary my vice president.'” – Conan O’Brien
“A lot of people want Hillary to pick Elizabeth Warren [as her running mate]. And Warren is already out there attacking Donald Trump. Just today she told a crowd, ‘Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud.’ That is just wrong. There’s no way that stuff covering his face is skin.” – Stephen Colbert
“Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she would like to see the FBI investigation of her emails wrapped up. Hillary then said, ‘Or deleted, whatever is easiest.'” – Conan O’Brien
“The president has a lot going on as he wraps up his term in office, including the construction of his presidential library in Chicago. It will be a place devoted entirely to Obama and his achievements — or as that’s also known, MSNBC.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Barack Obama is here tonight, which means even he can’t score tickets to ‘Hamilton’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“So much has happened during President Obama’s administration. Obamacare was passed. Same-sex marriage was legalized. He worked with 11 other countries to sign the historic Trans-Pacific Partnership. Whereas Donald Trump just walked around Epcot and insulted every country.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A Virginia man recently found an outline of what looks like Donald Trump in one of his bathroom tiles. Of course, at one point or another we’ve all found something in our bathroom that looks like Donald Trump.” – Seth Meyers
“The co-founder of Home Depot recently announced that he is supporting Donald Trump. He wasn’t planning to, but when your colors are orange and white, you kind of have to go with Donald.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Arnold Schwarzenegger is siding with the judge in the Trump University fraud case. Arnold said he took a speech class at Trump University and wants his money back.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump’s campaign staff is reportedly worried that Trump will suddenly announce his vice presidential pick online without consulting with his advisers. Said Trump, ‘Well, it’s not like I can just call him.'” – Seth Meyers
“Meanwhile, Trump says that he’s narrowed his list of candidates down to four or five. Though, if it’s a woman, she’ll definitely be a 10.” – Stephen Colbert
