Political Irony

[Jokes from June 6, 2016]

“Bernie Sanders campaigned in California yesterday ahead of the state’s Democratic primary, and even checked out the famous carousel at the Santa Monica Pier. But it got a little awkward when the music stopped and Bernie still wouldn’t admit that the ride was over. ‘This is gonna be a contested carousel!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Tomorrow is the California primary. Analysts say it’s make or break for Bernie Sanders. Either Bernie wins and he keeps going or he loses and he keeps going.” – Conan O’Brien

“While campaigning in California, ahead of tomorrow’s primary, Bernie Sanders yesterday stopped at a Los Angeles bar popular among the LGBT community. Said Sanders, ‘No! I said I wanted a BLT! What’s the ‘G’ for? It better not be guacamole because that costs an arm and a leg.'” – Seth Meyers

“I saw that before tonight’s game, members of Metallica performed ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’. Yeah, hockey and Metallica — even Donald Trump was like, ‘That’s too white.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump is also attracting criticism after he singled out a black supporter at a rally on Friday and told the crowd, ‘Look at my African-American,’ which is clearly racist, but also, he should know his name by now.” – Seth Meyers

“Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel’s Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. And when Trump found that out, he said, ‘Oh, no, he’s an Indian, too?'” – Seth Meyers

“A new poll found that Donald Trump’s recent outrageous comments might cost him the state of Florida. You know things are bad when a candidate is considered ‘too crazy for Florida’.” – Conan O’Brien

“After weeks of hesitation, Paul Ryan finally endorsed Donald Trump for president on Thursday. When asked what influenced his decision, Ryan said, ‘Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new poll, a majority of Americans say they would not sleep with Donald Trump for $1 million. Well, of course, nobody sleeps with him for $1 million.” – Seth Meyers

“Burger King has merged a Whopper with a burrito to make a Whopperito. So take note, Donald Trump: THAT’S how you Make America Great Again!” – Conan O’Brien

“Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson said that he might run for president of the United States later on down the line. When they heard, the Republican Party asked him, ‘Can you start tomorrow?'” – Conan O’Brien