Political Irony

“Today, President Obama hosted the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House, and the theme was ‘Let’s Celebrate’. Obama came up with the theme ‘Let’s Celebrate’ when he realized it’s the last year he would ever have to do this. ‘I’ve pardoned my last turkey, rolled my last egg. God bless America.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. It’s a tradition that’s been going on for 138 years. Since the year Bernie Sanders was born. If Bernie Sanders is elected president, they’re switching to soft-boiled eggs.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“While covering the Democratic caucuses on Saturday, CNN had a ‘caucus cam’ set up. Yeah, a camera that just shows pics of your caucus. Or as most people call that, Snapchat.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders has been on a hot streak. He won three states on Saturday, but the biggest thing that happened to him was at a rally in Portland, Oregon, where he got a surprise visit from an unexpected guest. That bird landing on his podium was actually the closest Bernie Sanders has come to ever sending a tweet.” – James Corden

“I’m not mocking Bernie, but when a bird lands on your podium and that’s the biggest reaction you get, maybe you’re not the most interesting presidential candidate. Bernie was like, ‘OK, let’s get back to the economy.’ And the audience is like, ‘Awww.'” – James Corden

“More than 47,000 people have signed a petition to allow guns at the Republican National Convention. And every single one of them is a Democrat.” – Conan O’Brien

“Ted Cruz is being accused of having affairs with five different women. And five different women are being accused of having terrible taste in men.” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s been reported that a contributor to CNN has been having an affair with Ted Cruz. All I can say is, way to go, Wolf Blitzer!” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump got a nice delivery on Sunday: a new grandson. His daughter Ivanka gave birth to a baby boy. She named him Theodore, which is interesting. Theodore is usually shortened to Ted, like Ted Cruz. That’s one way to get back at your father. ‘Dad, we’d like you to meet Theodore, Rosie, Megyn Kelly, Mexicans, Muslims, Jeb Bush.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Yesterday, Donald Trump welcomed his eighth grandchild. It was so sweet when Donald met him, he was like, ‘Welcome to the Elite Eight.'” Jimmy Fallon

“As of a couple of hours ago, Donald Trump hasn’t tweeted about his new grandson. He’s waiting to see the birth certificate. He’s nothing if not fair.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump became a grandfather again yesterday. However, Trump says he won’t visit his new grandson until he learns to speak English.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump became a grandfather for the eighth time, ladies and gentlemen. When Trump actually met the baby, he was like, ‘Wow, look at the size of those hands!'” – James Corden

“The family says the baby is doing well and has already used its building blocks to build a wall between him and his nanny.” – James Corden

“A conservative radio host told Donald Trump he reminds him of a 12-year-old playground bully. Trump responded by shoving the host and calling him a ‘gaywad.'” – Conan O’Brien