“Trump Tower in Chicago was struck by lightning during the Illinois primary, which Donald Trump went on to win. Nobody was hurt, but God was like, ‘Crap, I missed’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“There were no injuries, but long story short, Donald Trump has switched bodies with an 11-year-old boy.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Speaking of Trump, he recently said that if he becomes president he’ll force Apple to start making its products in the United States. It’s great news for anyone who wants to pay $20,000 for an iPhone.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The hacking group ‘Anonymous’ has apparently declared war against Donald Trump. Of course, hacking him shouldn’t be hard, because if there’s anyone who just uses their name as their password, it’s Donald Trump.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Ted Cruz was just featured in Us Weekly’s ’25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me’ column. And on the list he revealed that he was once bitten by an octopus at the beach and got ‘terribly ill’. Then the octopus said, ‘Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, ‘As a black doctor…'” – Seth Meyers
“John Kasich, fresh off his win in the Ohio primary, said that if you can’t win Ohio, you can’t be president. Then George Washington said, ‘What the hell is Ohio?'” – Jimmy Fallon
