“According to a new report, Dr. Ben Carson was not planning to endorse any of the remaining candidates, but changed his mind after being offered a position in Trump’s White House. He would run the Department of No Energy.” – Seth Meyers
“A Donald Trump rally was delayed for nearly two hours yesterday due to fog. At one point the fog was so thick, Trump supporters couldn’t even see who they were punching.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump has claimed that his candidacy is fueling more interest in voting. More people are signing up to vote. Just like herpes fuels more interest in Valtrex, for instance.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A new poll found that the majority of millennials would vote for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Then millennials found out you can’t vote by texting and said, ‘Never mind!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Bernie Sanders admitted that he ran as a Democrat rather than an Independent to get more media coverage. And it worked, but if you really want to get some media coverage, try running as a fascist.” – Seth Meyers
“Hillary Clinton is going to appear in this week’s episode of the Comedy Central show ‘Broad City’. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders will actually be appraised on ‘Antiques Roadshow’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Marco Rubio was interrupted by a heckler at a Florida campaign rally who accused Rubio of stealing his girlfriend. When in reality, Rubio tried to steal his girlfriend but finished fourth.” – Seth Meyers
“Hillary Clinton beat Bernie Sanders in Florida. And I’ll say, that’s tough for Bernie because a 74-year-old Jewish man can’t win in Florida.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Over the weekend, Hillary was endorsed by a California leader of the KKK, Will Quigg, because he believes she will do the exact opposite of what she promises and that she’s an ‘undercover Hitler’. That makes me think three things. 1) She’s not. 2) She’s definitely not. And 3) ‘Undercover Hitler’ sounds like the worst spin-off of ‘Undercover Boss.'” – James Corden
“A lot of people voted today in primaries across five different states. Some people are even calling it ‘Super Tuesday 3.’ Although Marco Rubio is just calling it ‘Mission: Impossible 3.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“There were primaries in five states today. CNN dubbed today Super Tuesday 3 and we are now another Tuesday closer to finally having a president who has his own line of vodka named after himself.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Today is Super Tuesday. Again. Am I the only one who thinks there are starting to be more Super Tuesdays than normal Tuesdays? They’re even calling it Super Tuesday 3. If we’ve learned anything from Hollywood franchises, then today will be an expensive letdown.” – James Corden
“Most of the focus tonight was on Florida and Ohio. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you can always trust Florida to make the right decision.” – Jimmy Kimmel
5 Comments
Has anyone seen Senator Lindsey Graham interview with Trevor Noah in the daily show? It was extremely funny and entertaining. I like senator’s sense of humor.
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/3y9tmy/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-lindsey-graham—the-senator-picks-his-poison–ted-cruz-vs–donald-trump
The video after this one also features Graham, and is very funny.
Hassan, I saw it the other night and was really surprised at his sense of humor. For me, a whole new Lindsey Graham.
The real funny part was that when they were playing pool, and had to say complimentary about Trump (already put on cards to pick up from), one joke was about Trump being orange, and Lindsey did not like it, and he said I would have gone “Trump is so orange that he makes John Boehner look like albino”
That was funny. Maybe he has chosen the wrong career.