“At his press conference last night, Donald Trump had a display of Trump Steaks even though Trump Steaks went out of business nine years ago. When they heard that nine-year-old meat was for sale, Arby’s said, ‘We’ll take those.'” – Conan O’Brien
“He’s showing his steaks. I’m pretty sure it’s the first campaign speech I’ve ever seen given next to a pile of unrefrigerated beef.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Last night in the presidential primary race, Donald Trump skipped the political talk during his victory speech and instead took the opportunity to promote some of his Trump brand products: Trump Steaks, Trump Magazine, Trump Wine. The only thing I can think of being worse than Trump 2016 is a bottle of 2016 Trump.” –James Corden
“After six months I think we’re starting to take for granted how weird this is. Imagine if before Obama was president, when he was running, he was the spokesman for ShamWow or something. At the end of every speech he spilled coffee on the podium and wiped it up.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Last night after his victories, Donald Trump held a press conference in Florida and he proudly displayed Trump water bottles, Trump wine, and Trump steaks. Trump also announced his running mate, the ShamWow guy.” – Conan O’Brien
“Trump held a press conference at his golf club in Jupiter, Florida, last night where he defended himself against charges that he isn’t ‘presidential’. He does everything better than anybody. If he was running for queen, he would be the queenliest queen. And how did he demonstrate that presidential behavior? By plugging Trump Water, Trump Magazine, Trump Vodka, Trump Wine, and Trump Steak.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Also, you can tell that it’s Trump’s winery because they only sell white.” – James Corden
“Trump was upset that Mitt Romney said a bunch of his business ventures failed so he set these tables up on stage to showcase some of his many products. There’s the water and the wine and the meat. Is this Fox News or QVC?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“They’re up on the stage next to him as he spoke. It’s like he made a trip to Costco right before the speech. Boy did Chris Christie pick the wrong night to be on that stage, huh?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“One state Trump did not win last night is Idaho, which could be partly due to the fact that the endorsement of Idaho’s Gov. Butch Otter went instead to John Kasich, and that endorsement worked. It propelled John Kasich all the way to a resounding last place.” – James Corden
“No wonder Kasich lost. If someone named Butch Otter endorses a presidential candidate, nobody cares. If somebody named Butch Otter endorses a jug band, now I’m listening.” – James Corden
“Almost 40 percent of people who voted for John Kasich said they did so because they don’t like the other guys. Which explains his new campaign slogan: ‘John Kasich: The Lesser of Four Evils.'” – Conan O’Brien
“In Florida, a drunk half-naked woman crashed her car into a Waffle House. Just a reminder, once again Florida will likely determine who our next president is.” – Conan O’Brien
“There were primaries and caucuses in four states last night. The big story was Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton 49.8 percent to 43.8 percent in Michigan. Ever since he started clipping his lucky ear hair, things have been going great.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It was a big night for loud men with crazy hair. Because on the Republican side, the night belonged to Donald Trump. Literally, he licensed and owns the night now.” – Jimmy Kimmel
