“The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, ‘Sure, let me check my server.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders lost the Iowa Caucus by .03%. In other words, Bernie would have won if six stoners had managed to get off the couch.” – Conan O’Brien
“In last night’s Iowa caucus, Ted Cruz won first place and gave a 32-minute speech. To be fair, 31 of those minutes were just people shouting ‘Really? Him?! This guy? We’re going with this guy? We’re kidding! I did it as a joke!'” – James Corden
“Ted Cruz’s victory last night raises a lot of questions, like one: ‘Can he keep this momentum going into New Hampshire?’ And two: ‘Just how much does it cost to move to Canada?'” – James Corden
“Last night was caucus night in Iowa and Ted Cruz was the winner on the Republican side with 28 percent of the vote. Donald Trump came in second with 24 percent, and Marco Rubio is right behind him with 23 percent. Third is pretty good considering the fact that most Iowa voters think that Marco Rubio is a game you play in the swimming pool.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A member of Marco Rubio’s inner circle said his boss benefitted from the Trump-Cruz fight because, ‘Marco is everyone’s second choice.’ That explains Rubio’s new campaign slogan, ‘I’m the Least Worst.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump lost the Iowa Caucus. Trump blamed the media, bad weather, and Iowa’s three Muslims.” – Conan O’Brien
“People have unearthed a tweet from 2013 where Donald Trump tweeted: ‘Nobody remembers who came in second.’ Famously said by Walter Hagen. And if anyone can tell you who won’t be remembered, it’s Walter Hagen. Donald Trump really has egg on his face now which pairs nicely with the hash browns on the top of his head.” – James Corden
“After his disappointing showing among Evangelicals, Mike Huckabee dropped out of the race. Huckabee said, ‘On the bright side, now I can stop going to church.'” – Conan O’Brien
