“The latest CBS poll has Bernie Sanders beating Hillary Clinton by 1 percent in Iowa, though another poll has Hillary beating Bernie Sanders with a folding chair. – Seth Meyers
Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she feels great about her chances to be the Democratic nominee and Bill Clinton said, ‘Hillary, it’s 3:30 in the morning. Go back to sleep.'” – Seth Meyers
“The Iowa caucuses are coming up and yesterday, Lindsey Graham criticized Donald Trump and Ted Cruz and said choosing between them is like having to choose between being shot or poisoned.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Graham said supporting Jeb Bush is like choosing to be slowly suffocated by an expensive pillow.” – Jimmy Fallon
“One thing’s for sure, if Donald Trump started shooting people on Fifth Avenue he wouldn’t hit any Trump supporters. They’re not going to Saks, they’re over in Times Square at the M&M store.” – Seth Meyers
“Now in fairness he was just talking about the loyalty of his supporters — though it doesn’t sound like he was complimenting the loyalty of his supporters.” – Seth Meyers
“A researcher found lyrics to a song that Woody Guthrie wrote over 50 years ago about Donald Trump’s father, Fred Trump. I believe it was called, this land is my land and this land is my land, and this land is also my land.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald was like, big deal — Pink Floyd did an entire album about me called ‘The Wall,’ and I made them pay for it.” – Jimmy Fallon
“After a really warm December, this was kind of a relief. Climate change has not ended winter, it just packed the whole damn thing into one weekend.” – Stephen Colbert
