“While speaking at an evangelical university, Donald Trump misquoted the Bible, saying ‘two Corinthians’ instead of ‘Second Corinthians.’ And, several times, instead of saying ‘God’ he said ‘Donald Trump’.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today is Martin Luther King Day. And Donald Trump saw his shadow this morning so that means six more weeks of racism.” – Seth Meyers
“At last week’s Republican debate, Ted Cruz accused Donald Trump of having ‘New York values’. Trump said that’s ridiculous, then, overcharged Cruz for a bagel.” – Conan O’Brien
“South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham on Friday endorsed Jeb Bush for president. Though I imagine getting an endorsement from Lindsey Graham is about as helpful as being backed up in a bar fight by Lindsey Graham.” – Seth Meyers
“Last night from Charleston, South Carolina was the Democratic presidential debate between Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and an unidentified man on the side — I’m told his name is Martin O’Malley.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Last night Martin O’Malley looked like the kid forced to choose between his parents at a divorce hearing.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“During last night’s debate, Hillary Clinton said her husband would serve as her ‘kitchen table’ advisor. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders said his wife would serve as his ‘hand rails in the bathroom’ advisor.” – Conan O’Brien
“During last night’s Democratic debate, Bernie Sanders got the most speaking time. As well as the most speaking volume. Bernie Sanders talks like he always has a bad connection.” – Seth Meyers
“In a sense the debate was a victory for Bernie Sanders. He made it through the whole thing without dying.” – Jimmy Kimmel
