“The Republican candidates held another debate in South Carolina, and it went on about half-hour longer than expected. Which isn’t bad, considering Trump’s campaign has gone on half a year longer than expected.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump has been endorsed by a whites-only group. In response, Trump said, ‘I’m proud to be the official candidate of the U.S. Ski Team.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump tried bringing up polls that showed him winning, and the crowd actually started to boo. Trump was like, ‘See, even ghosts love me.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump said this week that his high poll numbers in Massachusetts are due to his support from Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady. Man, what is it with Tom Brady and deflated leather balls?” – Seth Meyers
“I read that there are actually four stars in the universe named after Donald Trump. You believe that? A burning ball of hot air has stars named after him.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Jeb Bush has released a new ad showing clips of mean things Donald Trump has said on the campaign trail. He also released his new campaign slogan ‘I’m telling!'” – Seth Meyers
“We have former secretary of state and Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton on the show tonight. Backstage she told me she’s a huge fan of the show and I was like, ‘I know, I read it in your emails.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new poll shows that in the last month, Hillary Clinton’s lead in Iowa has shrunk from 9 percent to 2 percent. Meanwhile, her fake smile has grown 200 percent.” – Seth Meyers
“President Vladimir Putin said that Russia has invented the world’s most effective drug to fight Ebola. Yeah. When asked if he tested it on rats, Putin said, ‘You could call them that. Sure, yeah, yeah. They’re rats.'” – Jimmy Fallon
