“A new poll shows Donald Trump has 36 percent support among Republicans and Ted Cruz is in second place with 16 percent. Meanwhile, Jeb Bush is at 3. Not percent — people.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump said today that all Muslims, even U.S. citizens and those serving in the armed forces, should be barred from entering the United States. Trump’s statement was so outrageous and so offensive, his poll numbers went up 20 points.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today Donald Trump called for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States. I’m starting to think Donald Trump is sick of running for president. He’s trying to say crazy things to get himself thrown out. But the crazier the things he says, the more people seem to like him. It’s like the movie ‘The Producers.’ This campaign is his ‘Springtime for Hitler’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A new poll has found that half of the country thinks Donald Trump’s statements on the campaign trail are insulting and offensive, while the other half of the country thinks his statements are ‘insultante y ofensiva.'” – Seth Meyers
“Ted Cruz has jumped ahead of Donald Trump in the latest Iowa poll. The poll was called ‘Who’s crazier?'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump is 20 points ahead of the other Republican candidates. Even Trump was like, ‘OK, this isn’t funny anymore.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama gave a rare national address last night from the Oval Office. Then today, Hillary Clinton said it was her favorite episode of ‘House Hunters.'” – Seth Meyers
“It was reported today that more than 50 members of Congress still haven’t paid back their student loans. John McCain said he just needs a little more time.” – Conan O’Brien
“It has come out that a top Russian official recently met with Pamela Anderson. The Russian official said it was an honor to meet someone who’s posed for more topless photos than Vladimir Putin.” – Conan O’Brien
