“USA Today’s GOP ‘Power Rankings’ had some big shake-ups this week, with Marco Rubio in the lead and Chris Christie in the top five. Yep, Rubio is number one, while Christie is numbers two through five.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Jeb! Just released a brand new e-book entitled ‘Reply all’. It’s a great way to show you’re done making mistakes by naming a book after something people do by accident.” – Stephen Colbert
“Jeb Bush clearly needs some help because it feels like his campaign is sleepwalking. Which, admittedly, is a strategy that’s working for Ben Carson.” – Stephen Colbert
“In one of his books, Ben Carson actually admitted to falling asleep several times while driving his car. He started taking Ubers to be safe, but his drivers kept falling asleep while listening to him talk.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday was Election Day here in the United States. In Ohio they voted no on legalizing marijuana for recreational and medical use and 65 percent of the voters said no. How could Ohio vote against marijuana? They have ‘High’ right in the middle of their name.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Ohio voters yesterday rejected a proposal that would have legalized both recreational and medical marijuana. Pot advocates were so devastated that there was hardly a dry mouth in the house.” – Seth Meyers
“Starting tomorrow, ‘Thursday night football’ will be seen only on NFL network and they’re kicking off with a heck of a matchup: The Cleveland Browns versus the undefeated Cincinnati Bengals. It’s the battle of Ohio, so Governor John Kasich is going to have to bet a signature regional food item against himself.” – Stephen Colbert
