“Congrats to the Kansas City Royals, who beat the Mets to win their first World Series in 30 years. Since the Royals won, they’ll get to meet President Obama. And since the Mets blew an early lead and lost, they’ll get to meet Jeb Bush.” – Jimmy Fallon
“I read about a 73-year-old man who turned in his collection of half a million pennies he’s found on the street throughout his life, amounting to over five-thousand dollars. When asked what he’ll do with the money, Bernie Sanders said, ‘Finance my campaign!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Bernie Sanders this weekend took his three grandchildren trick-or-treating in New Hampshire. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Bernie Sanders Supports Handouts for the Unemployed.'” – Seth Meyers
“I saw that Jay-Z and Beyoncé dressed as the characters from the Eddie Murphy movie ‘Coming to America.’ In fact their ‘Coming to America’ costumes were so good, Donald Trump had them both deported.” – Jimmy Fallon
“I saw that the New York Times published an op-ed about Chris Christie’s campaign titled, ‘Chris Christie, Time to Go Home.’ Incidentally, that’s the same thing that the people at Golden Corral say when they’re closing.” – Jimmy Fallon
“This Sunday is the end of Daylight Savings Time, when we all get an extra hour of sleep! Which means Ben Carson will be getting 25 hours of sleep.” – Jimmy Fallon
