“After speculation that he may enter the Democratic debate at the last minute, Joe Biden ended up not coming. Biden said he thought about showing up, but at the end of the day, his head was stuck in a banister.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Sheryl Crow performed the National Anthem before last night’s debate, but many Twitter users were unhappy with her performance. Mostly because they thought the National Anthem was Uptown Funk.” – Seth Meyers
“Sheryl Crow performed the National Anthem at last night’s debate, but it looked like Martin O’Malley was the only one actually singing along. In fairness, there’s nothing more American than just PRETENDING you know the National Anthem.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Turned out it was the highest-rated debate for the Democrats ever. More than 15 million people tuned in to watch Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and the three high school principals they invited to fill out the stage.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It was a big night for Bernie Sanders. He talked about his views on war, and said that he strongly opposed it when he was a young man. Even crazier, he was talking about the TROJAN War.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Sanders supporters pointed to the fact that Bernie was the most googled of all the candidates during the debate. Sounds like a big thing until you realize the top questions they googled included, ‘who is Bernie Sanders?’ and, ‘is Bernie Sanders Jewish?'” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Anderson Cooper tried to make a case that Bernie Sanders isn’t electable because he calls himself a socialist. I think that’s the least of his problems. I think he isn’t electable because he calls himself Bernie.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Moderator Anderson Cooper asked Lincoln Chafee why he switched parties from being a Republican, and Chafee called himself a ‘block of granite.’ When asked what he meant by that, Chafee said, ‘I meant that I’d make a better countertop than president.” – Jimmy Fallon
“During the debate, the candidates mentioned the middle class eleven times. Once for each remaining member of the middle class.” – Seth Meyers
“Most of the experts, they rate these things afterwards. Most of the experts thought Hillary won the debate, although some said Bernie Sanders won. No one said any of the others won, not even them.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Donald Trump was live tweeting the debate last night. This morning he told ABC News he thought Clinton got through it ‘fine’. Which is the highest compliment he can give a woman without marrying her.” – Jimmy Kimmel
