“Last week, the firefighters’ union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign’s in trouble when firefighters are like, ‘Even WE can’t put out that many fires.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“In an interview with Al Sharpton, Hillary Clinton said Donald Trump just says whatever he needs in order to ‘stir up the passions of people.’ Then Al Sharpton was like, ‘You know you’re talking to ME, right?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“At a speech in Tennessee, Trump talked about his decision to run for president, and said, quote, ‘I didn’t want to do this, I had to do this.’ Then he was immediately sued by Jeb Bush for stealing his campaign slogan.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump confirmed in an interview today that he operates his own Twitter account. However, his mouth and his brain are run by interns.” – Seth Meyers
“A new report found that Donald Trump is no longer the most liked candidate on Facebook, and Ben Carson now has the most likes with over 4 million. Yeah, you can tell Carson was pretty excited because when he found out he actually opened BOTH eyes.” – Jimmy Fallon
“For the first time this primary season, a national poll has placed Dr. Ben Carson as the Republican front-runner. Carson was so excited about the news, his eyes almost opened.” – Seth Meyers
“Republican presidential hopeful Chris Christie said this weekend that he would rather jump off the Brooklyn Bridge than be in Congress. And just to be safe, Mayor de Blasio issued a tsunami warning for Lower Manhattan.” – Seth Meyers
“Hillary Clinton said this weekend that the record turnout for Bernie Sanders’ rallies is great for the Democratic Party. And it wasn’t easy for her to say that, because at the time, she was biting a cinder block in half.” – Seth Meyers
