Political Irony

[This is a guest post from Mahmood Shaukat]

In the election of Donald Trump may lie the salvation of American Muslims. My bags are packed; I’m ready to prove my loyalty to the United States of America by voluntarily moving into an internment camp. Hopefully, implemented under President Trump, these camps will be the biggest and best camps – ever. Obviously, built with my best interests in mind, these facilities will keep me safe from my Muslim self.

Decision making will come briskly under President Trump. His cabinet will be a match made in heaven. A triangle of portfolios to die (figuratively) for: Donald Trump as the President, Dr. Ben Carson as Dick Cheney, oops, I mean as the Vice President and Mr. Hukka-bee, as the Secretary of State. Other obvious appointments will have to be Mr. Sean Hannity as the White House Press Secretary and the very brief ceremonial appointment of UN Ambassador will be a toss-up between Michael Savage and Glenn Beck.

Those in the know predict: The Trump Presidency will have two most urgent top priorities. They will be even more important than repatriating the immigrants (illegal or not), to their homelands or building the Great Wall of Mexico (naming rights will belong to the builder):

1. Save the US from the United Nations.
2 Deliver the Muslims to their 72 virgins in waiting.

I clearly envision President Trump on TV, delivering his inaugural address and revealing the true meaning of the letters, “UN”. The letter U stands for the United States and the letter “N” stands for “No” to other nations, hence no need for the UN. The master deal maker knows best. No country dare challenge him or else. Say hello to the new big Trump United Plaza just off 1st Avenue and 43rd Street.

On the Muslim front, Prez Trump will have the inspirational advice of Vice President Carson and SOS, Hack-a-bee. Muslims of America will have to decide: live under the Law of Carson and Meccabee or bye, bye – go back to looking for a place to live under Sharia! Gone will be the days of living under the protection of the Constitution and believing in the separation of Mosque and State.

Meanwhile, if the SOS is successful and his prayers become a reality, Muslim countries from Tunisia to Indonesia can kiss their behinds good-bye. The nuke-fest they’ll experience will put Shock & Awe to shame.

There may be some unfortunate radiation side effects. Half of the Indian population may become ash due to the nuking of evil Iran, untrustworthy Pakistan and the hell-hole Afghanistan. Israel may suffer the same fate, an undue consequence of nuking Muslim Egypt, Jordan and ISIS Syria.

When the President will be asked for his comment on wiping out almost 1.2 billion Muslims, his reaction: “So?” will be for the ages. SOS Muckabee will claim ownership of the miracle: “The sacrifices of our Judeo Christian Jewish brothers and sisters have not gone to waste. The world is rid of the menace and the path is clear for the early arrival of the Messiah.”

I wouldn’t like to be around when the Messiah learns that He has been summoned unannounced for a re-entry and hears about the deeds done in His name to bring Him back.

I have recently became a US Citizen; My dilemma will be on how to manage the pledge I have made to preserve protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. Meanwhile, Mr. Trump, Dr. Carson and Mr. Huckabee should avoid looking themselves in the mirror. They’ll be surprised to see their reflection with turbans on their heads and beards on their faces.

Mahmood Shaukat
New York