“On Friday, Rick Perry announced that he is dropping out of the presidential race. It’s too bad. This country really needs more candidates like Rick Perry — you know, candidates who will drop out of the presidential race.” – Jimmy Fallon [I love this joke – iron]
“Just 100 days into his candidacy, Rick Perry has become the first Republican candidate to drop out of the race. Even more disappointing, it was just 10 days after the LensCrafters free return deadline.” – Seth Meyers
“The remaining candidates are gearing up for the second Republican debate, which will take place this Wednesday on CNN. It starts at 8 p.m. and ends when Donald Trump runs out of air.” – Jimmy Fallon
“This weekend was the annual National Federation of Republican Women Convention. Or as Donald Trump called it, a total dog show. He would do that and his approval rating would go up 15 points.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump’s star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood was vandalized last week with a yellow ‘X.’ When they asked Trump about the ‘X’ he said, ‘Be more specific. I have many exes.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump said in the latest issue of ‘Rolling Stone’ that he would consider dating his daughter Ivanka Trump, if he weren’t her father. Which explains why I saw Ivanka Trump’s therapist shopping for a boat.” – Seth Meyers
“A new host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ was unveiled. Donald Trump is out, none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger is in. Apparently the key job requirements they’re looking for are orange and loud … If you have those then he’s got to say, ‘hasta la vista, baby,’ instead of ‘you’re fired!'” – Jimmy Kimmel
“NBC announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the next host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’. Yeah, not only did they take the job from Trump, but NBC added insult to injury by giving it to an immigrant.” – Jimmy Fallon
“NBC announced today that Arnold Schwarzenegger will replace Donald Trump as the host of next season’s ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ Man, wait u” ntil Trump finds out he’s being replaced by an immigrant with an anchor baby.” – Seth Meyers
“Arnold Schwarzenegger has been named the new host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ Wait until the apprentices find out exactly what you have to do when you work for Arnold Schwarzenegger. They’re going to spend half the show just trying to understand what their assignment is.” – Conan O’Brien
