“Former governor of Rhode Island Lincoln Chafee is challenging Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. During his announcement, he said, ‘I realize I’m not that well known, don’t have a ton of support, I’m limited on funds, and … why am I doing this again?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Former Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee announced his run for president yesterday. And he said he wants the U.S. to switch to the metric system. OK, you know what? I will start — Lincoln Chafee won’t get within a kilometer of the White House. He’s several hectares away.” – Seth Meyers
“During his announcement, Chafee said it would help our economy if we embraced the metric system. Finally answering the question: What is the world’s worst campaign slogan?” – Jimmy Fallon
“We have a new Republican candidate for president who also happens to be an old Republican candidate for president, former Texas Governor Rick Perry. He’s at it again, and why not? There are only so many coyotes you can shoot on your ranch. What else does he have to do?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“On the Republican side, today former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced he is running for president. While growing up he wanted to be a veterinarian, but his grades weren’t good enough. Luckily for us, now he wants to be in charge of people.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Republican presidential race has more characters than ‘Game of Thrones’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Have you seen Kim Jong Un lately? There are photos of him and he has put on pounds. According to sources, Kim Jong Un has been emotionally eating since Dennis Rodman was spotted on a date with another dictator.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The Christmas-themed town of North Pole, Alaska, has officially approved marijuana dispensaries. So don’t expect your presents from Santa until next April.” – Conan O’Brien
“Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.” – Conan O’Brien
“IKEA, the world’s largest furniture retailer, pledged over $1 billion earlier today to help slow climate change. But knowing IKEA, it’s probably going to take forever to put the money together.” – Seth Meyers
