“In a two-hour interview last Friday, Bruce Jenner told ABC’s Diane Sawyer, ‘For all intents and purposes, I’m a woman.’ At which point, Joe Biden ran in and started giving Bruce a shoulder rub.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week’s interview, Jenner said he’s a woman who is transitioning his body from male to female, and he’s also a conservative Republican. Bruce said he looks forward to bashing Obamacare as soon as he finishes using it.” – Conan O’Brien
“Bruce Jenner declared he is a woman and a Republican. In other words, the GOP finally found someone who might be able to beat Hillary.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Jenner also identified himself as a conservative Republican. He said he believes that John Boehner and Mitch McConnell will support him and advocate for transgender issues. Yeah, of course they will. They’re probably having the buttons printed as we speak.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that.” – David Letterman
“Many believe that Hillary Clinton was channeling President Obama during her recent speech in New York City. She focused on equality, justice, and how hard it was for her growing up as a young black man in Hawaii.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mayor de Blasio said that whenever he goes to a Yankee game he gets sick and tired of people booing and giving him the finger. Hey, what do you want? You’re the mayor of New York City. It comes with the gig, pal.” – David Letterman
“A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they’re so happy, Swiss people couldn’t answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate.” – Conan O’Brien
