“At the White House yesterday, a little girl actually asked first lady Michelle Obama how old she is. Michelle answered, ‘Old enough to put you on the No Fly List, sweetheart.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.” – David Letterman
“They’re talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, ‘I’m available’.” – David Letterman
“New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been positioning himself to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Hillary once developed a program to deliver rural healthcare, while de Blasio once dropped a groundhog on its head.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mayor de Blasio wants to eliminate garbage. He believes New York City produces way too much garbage. Well, heck, forget about producing too much garbage. What about late-night talk shows?” – David Letterman
“It’s being reported that Google spent over $5 million on lobbying just during the first quarter of this year. You’d think Google wouldn’t really need to lobby politicians. All they have to say is, ‘We have your search history. Do what we tell you.'” – Jimmy Fallon
