“Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She’s spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it’s to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.” – David Letterman
“Hillary Clinton is trying an entirely different approach with Iowa than the one she tried eight years ago when she lost there. She will not start speeches by saying, ‘Hello, Iowa, or Idaho, or whichever one you are.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Hillary’s trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.” – David Letterman
“It’s April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.” – Conan O’Brien
“A study says that traffic fatalities go up 6 percent on tax day, presumably because people are rushing to the tax office and doing their taxes while they drive. If you are just realizing it is tax day, don’t worry about it. The IRS is pretty cool about this stuff.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The IRS specifically selected April 15 as tax day. They knew it was going to likely be a beautiful spring day and they wanted to ruin it for us.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, ‘Oh, presents’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that’s just the folks here in the audience.” – David Letterman
“Governor Chris Christie says if he’s president, he will crack down on the sale of marijuana. However, that was before he was told it also comes in a brownie.” – Conan O’Brien
