“Arizona Senator John McCain announced that he plans on running for a sixth term because he is concerned about the nation’s security. He plans to help just like any other 80-year-old: by sitting on his porch with a police scanner.” – Jimmy Fallon
“John McCain addressed critics who believe he will be too old to run for a sixth term in the Senate, saying that he’s still healthy and ready to go. Then people around McCain said, ‘Why is he talking to that mannequin?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“John McCain responded to critics who say he’s too old for a sixth term by saying that his mother is 103 years old and doing well. The crazy thing is that even she is somehow younger than John McCain.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Election season is heating up. We’re starting to hear who’s running for president in 2016. Hillary Clinton is expected to launch her 2016 campaign sometime in the next two weeks. So remember, act surprised.” – Seth Meyers
“The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads.” – Conan O’Brien
“A new poll in Cuba shows that President Obama is more popular than Fidel Castro. Then again, so is putting your whole family on a raft in the middle of the night.” – Seth Meyers
