“The White House announced that President Obama will attend a summit in Kenya this July. When asked if he’s ever been to Kenya, Obama said, ‘Of course. I was born — no, bored — over there. There’s nothing to do in Kenya.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“As of this week, the only state that President Obama has not visited while in office is South Dakota. Residents of South Dakota said they’re looking forward to President Obama or any black person visiting soon.” – Conan O’Brien
“It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they’re finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can’t get enough gridlock.” – David Letterman
“According to a new poll, Republicans are more likely to have a doughnut for breakfast, while Democrats prefer to eat bagels and croissants. While Independents are that annoying friend who’s still looking at the menu after 15 minutes.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Al Gore is 67 years old today. Al Gore, 67 candles on his cake. There’s your global warming. ” – David Letterman
“According to a new study, the marijuana in Colorado is almost twice as strong as it was 20 years ago. Of course, people had some questions for the scientists, like ‘How can I get your job?'” – Jimmy Fallon
