“There are reports that President Obama and his family may move to New York City after his term is over. Unfortunately, the city is so expensive, he’s looking for another ex-president to be roommates with.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they’ve gotten so used to people trying to break into their house.” – Jimmy Fallon
“During a speech on Friday, Senator Ted Cruz said that if you walk up to someone and say ‘Joe Biden’, the person will crack up laughing. Which is the same reaction you get if you say ‘President Ted Cruz’.” – Seth Meyers
“This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.” – David Letterman
“Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned. ” – David Letterman
“Governor Chris Christie defended his stance against legalizing marijuana, saying that any tax revenue generated from pot sales would be blood money. Then businessmen in New Jersey said, ‘Yeah, and we can’t have that sort of thing here in New Jersey.’ – Jimmy Fallon
“Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid says he will not seek re-election. Harry said he wants to spend more time with his family. As I always say, check with your family.” – David Letterman
