“Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It’s full of Hillary Clinton emails.” – David Letterman
“Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It’s the same thing that is happening to Hillary.” – David Letterman
“There is controversy surrounding Obama’s appearance on the show. Monday we announced the president would be here. This morning I got a letter from 47 Republicans telling me not to sign any deals with him.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It’s kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future — wait a minute, that’s me.” – David Letterman
“I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.” – David Letterman
“They found a scrapbook with photos of Osama bin Laden from the ’90s, and they’re studying each and every photo very, very closely. My favorite shot of Osama bin Laden was right between the eyes. ” – David Letterman
