“This weekend the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, featured several speakers including Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson from ‘Duck Dynasty’. It was a good weekend for conservatives — and a great weekend for wild animals.” – Jimmy Fallon
“During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was time for a new president and that people need to help make the change. Of course, most people agreed with him, since that’s how term limits work.” – Jimmy Fallon
“RNC chairman Reince Priebus criticized Joe Biden, saying that he can’t control his mouth. That’s kind of like someone trying to say the name ‘Reince Priebus’, which sounds like a drunk person trying to say ‘rented Prius’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“After the FCC issued the net neutrality rules yesterday, President Obama posted a thank you letter online addressed to the millions of people who helped support the change. He finished with a heartfelt plea, ‘Could someone please tell me what net neutrality is?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“There’s this picture of a dress that someone took, and people online are fighting over what color it is. Some people say it’s black and blue. Some say it’s white and gold. I think someone should ask Obama, our country’s first gold president.” – Jimmy Fallon
“In New Jersey, Chris Christie joked that he gave up The New York Times for lent. But then his priest told him he had to give up something he’d actually miss.” – Jimmy Fallon
