“Tonight President Obama gave the State of the Union address. Obama said he was more relaxed just because he’s already done it so many times. Incidentally, Mitt Romney said the same thing about running for president.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Obamas invited 22 guests to the speech, including a former Cuban prisoner, an astronaut, and a doctor. Either that or he was setting up the weirdest bar joke of all time.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today was the first day you could file a tax return. If you filed a tax return today, congratulations, nerd. People who file their taxes on the first day are the grown-up version of the kids who ask the teacher for extra homework in school.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they’ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you’re at it, too.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A new survey shows that most people trust Google more as a source for current events than traditional news outlets. Traditional news outlets didn’t believe the news until they Googled it.” – Seth Meyers
