“During a recent Q & A with children, first lady Michelle Obama said that what she wants for Christmas is to sleep in late. Which is why this year Biden promised not to jump on her bed when it’s time to open presents.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi’s beard and said, ‘You’re not Santa’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they’re gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.” – David Letterman
“The U.S. is re-establishing relations with Cuba. But before President Obama can lift the embargo, it will need approval from the Republican-controlled Congress – or as Republicans who called Obama said, ‘Close, but no cigar’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Russian economy is tanking. It’s gotten so bad that today Vladimir Putin had to pawn his stolen Super Bowl ring. And Putin will finance his next invasion on Kickstarter.” – David Letterman
“Economists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil. And number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka.” – David Letterman
