“Joe Biden will assist in the 35th annual lighting of the National Menorah at the White House. When he heard that, Smokey Bear said, ‘Hold my calls. This is not gonna end well.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, ‘Whichever comes first.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“This morning, due to a massive storm, at least 150,000 people in San Francisco were left without power. Of course, people in San Francisco without power are usually called Republicans.” – Conan O’Brien
“Golden Globe nominations were announced, but some people are upset that ‘The Walking Dead’ and ‘Modern Family’ were snubbed. It’s OK. President Obama has issued an executive action granting them all a path to a nomination.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Justice Department ruled that Native American tribes are allowed to grow and sell marijuana on reservations. This decision was hailed as a victory by Native American leader Giggling Eagle.” – Conan O’Brien
