“Take a look at this: gas under $3 a gallon – under $3 a gallon. Unemployment under 6%, whoever thought? Stock market breaking records every day. No wonder the guy is so unpopular.” – David Letterman (on Obama)
“Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President Obama.” – Conan O’Brien
“Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. Republicans won in a landslide.” – David Letterman
“Politicians are really getting desperate. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid sent out a final fundraising email to Democrats with the subject line, ‘I’m begging.’ Because what better way to show you’re a strong leader than acting like you’re drunk and dialing your ex?” – Jimmy Fallon
“Tomorrow is Election Day. It’s what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It’s the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.” – David Letterman
“Tomorrow is Election Day. That’s the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn’t register to vote.” – Conan O’Brien
“Tomorrow is the midterm elections. It’s very important, so don’t forget to head down to your local polling place and cancel out your dad’s vote.” – Seth Meyers
“Anybody last night watch that Wallenda guy? He first went across Niagara Falls, then across the Grand Canyon, and last night he walked between two Chicago skyscrapers. He got his start in this line of work as a White House fence jumper.” – David Letterman
